A Struggle to be Thankful

Tonight was wrong. It's Thanksgiving Eve (I guess technically it's Thanksgiving, but I haven't gone to bed yet so it's still night to me) and the whole evening was just off.

It started with me deciding to go to the Thanksgiving Eve service at my church. I go every year, but this year I was really excited because I haven't been able to worship with my church family for a while and this was going to be my chance (I run my church nursery and we've had minimal volunteers so I've been working almost every service). Of course I get there and the woman that was supposed to be in nursery wasn't there. Forget joining the congregation - I guess I'm on duty. It ended up that no children came so I was able to go into the service, but it was after worship. Oh well - I'll try again next time. The service was slightly weird too. Without a senior pastor everything just seems different. Slightly without focus. Pastor Darryl and Pastor Manny did a great job running the service, but something just seemed to be missing. Maybe it was just me - maybe I was so excited that I convinced myself it was going to be perfect. I don't know.

Then after the service I started to think about Thanksgiving Eve services in the past. In the years before, my friends and I always looked forward to Thanksgiving Eve service because it meant that all the "college kids" would be home and we would all go out to Friendly's or Denny's afterwards and catch up. It was a highly anticipated time of year! But this year there were no college kids. Many of them have graduated and moved far away or live in the area and are always here. Some of them are still in college, but they weren't able to make it home this year. It made me sad. A tradition gone and I didn't even notice I was missing it until the last second. Then I started thinking about tradition and it brought me to a thought that I cannot believe I didn't have before - this is the first Thanksgiving without my daddy. He won't be there to watch the parade with me and to tease me about not being his kid when I reach for a second helping of carrots. At the end of the day when I'm tired he won't be there to lean on and cuddle into. He won't say goodnight to me tomorrow night and he won't say good morning to me on Friday morning. Even after almost 10 months I'm still surprised at what I'm missing out on.

And after all this a verse that Pastor Darryl said stuck out to me, "In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." (1 Thessalonians 5:18) In EVERY THING. Even when I'm sad or angry or feeling lost I am to give thanks. Why? Because it is the WILL OF GOD. What a powerful statement.

So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to put aside all my pouting and sadness and I'm going to focus on giving thanks in everything. What better day to start than Thanksgiving?

(I also had this thought - there are a lot of people out there that are going to be celebrating Thanksgiving while missing a loved one and most of them don't have Jesus. What a terrible thought! To be facing that sadness without the comfort of our Creator seems impossible to me.)