What does being a Christian really look like?

It seems like the older I get the harder being a Christian is. What does being a good Christian really look like? Some say it's loving people. Just loving people. Some say it's being set apart. Others say it's being as in the world as possible so that we can reach the lost. Some say it's relying on the Holy Spirit to tell us what to do. One wise person told me it's simple, "just follow". All of these people have Scripture that seemingly backs up their beliefs. So which one is right? Or are they all right?

I've been learning that it's ok for people to live out their Christianity differently. God gave each of us different personalities and spiritual gifts and He made us unique for a reason - He doesn't want all of us to be the exact same Christian. But what parts of Christianity are absolutes that must be followed? Jesus being the only way to Heaven is definitely one. The trinity. The Bible is the infallible Word of God. What else? What is personal conviction and what must be followed to the letter?

I get that figuring all of this out is part of working out my salvation and also part of growing up, but that doesn't make the answers come any easier.

Thank God for the Bible and the ability to read it. :)

Anyone else shop early today?

So the plan was to go to Target at 2 in the morning and wait in line and then go to the mall when we were done there. That turned into going just to the mall at 4 when they opened. Then we decided to leave the house at 5ish because we hadn't gotten much sleep. We actually left the house at 6:15ish, but who's keeping track? :) The good thing is that we weren't really looking for anything specific, we were just going for the experience. And you know what? The experience wasn't really that spectacular. I mean, it was a lot of fun, but I guess I was expecting giant sales. I think I'm just bad at looking for sales. :) It was fun anyway and shopping together made it even better! Afterwards we had breakfast at this excellent diner that had all kinds of specialty pancakes. Delicious!! I'm so thankful I got to spend time just hanging out with the girls today. :)

I could tell that people were praying for my mom and I yesterday (Thanksgiving) because we actually were able to enjoy our holiday. We missed my dad, but it was still a good day. I was missing him a lot while dinner was being prepared because in the past I would hang out with my mom and aunt in the kitchen for a while and then go sit with my daddy and uncle while they watched the game and then go back and forth again. This year I left the kitchen to go sit in the living room and realized that my daddy wasn't there to sit with. That was the saddest part of the day. But I am thankful that my daddy had the happiest Thanksgiving he's ever had up in Heaven with his Savior. He didn't feel sick or tired all day :)

I hope you all had wonderful Thanksgivings! And if you went black Friday shopping I hope you found lots of good deals! :)

A Struggle to be Thankful

Tonight was wrong. It's Thanksgiving Eve (I guess technically it's Thanksgiving, but I haven't gone to bed yet so it's still night to me) and the whole evening was just off.

It started with me deciding to go to the Thanksgiving Eve service at my church. I go every year, but this year I was really excited because I haven't been able to worship with my church family for a while and this was going to be my chance (I run my church nursery and we've had minimal volunteers so I've been working almost every service). Of course I get there and the woman that was supposed to be in nursery wasn't there. Forget joining the congregation - I guess I'm on duty. It ended up that no children came so I was able to go into the service, but it was after worship. Oh well - I'll try again next time. The service was slightly weird too. Without a senior pastor everything just seems different. Slightly without focus. Pastor Darryl and Pastor Manny did a great job running the service, but something just seemed to be missing. Maybe it was just me - maybe I was so excited that I convinced myself it was going to be perfect. I don't know.

Then after the service I started to think about Thanksgiving Eve services in the past. In the years before, my friends and I always looked forward to Thanksgiving Eve service because it meant that all the "college kids" would be home and we would all go out to Friendly's or Denny's afterwards and catch up. It was a highly anticipated time of year! But this year there were no college kids. Many of them have graduated and moved far away or live in the area and are always here. Some of them are still in college, but they weren't able to make it home this year. It made me sad. A tradition gone and I didn't even notice I was missing it until the last second. Then I started thinking about tradition and it brought me to a thought that I cannot believe I didn't have before - this is the first Thanksgiving without my daddy. He won't be there to watch the parade with me and to tease me about not being his kid when I reach for a second helping of carrots. At the end of the day when I'm tired he won't be there to lean on and cuddle into. He won't say goodnight to me tomorrow night and he won't say good morning to me on Friday morning. Even after almost 10 months I'm still surprised at what I'm missing out on.

And after all this a verse that Pastor Darryl said stuck out to me, "In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." (1 Thessalonians 5:18) In EVERY THING. Even when I'm sad or angry or feeling lost I am to give thanks. Why? Because it is the WILL OF GOD. What a powerful statement.

So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to put aside all my pouting and sadness and I'm going to focus on giving thanks in everything. What better day to start than Thanksgiving?

(I also had this thought - there are a lot of people out there that are going to be celebrating Thanksgiving while missing a loved one and most of them don't have Jesus. What a terrible thought! To be facing that sadness without the comfort of our Creator seems impossible to me.)

"Even Then" by Nichole Nordeman

It's a fear that keeps me wide awake
in the middle of the night,
when the expectations are too great
and the bar gets raised too high.
So I do the best with what I've got
and hope that no one knows
that I strain to see how high I can
try to stand on these toes
until I'm measured, but You know better.

So, thank You Jesus,
even when You see us just as we are -
fragile, frail and so far
from who we want to be.
So, thank You Jesus,
even when the pieces are broken and small,
dreams shattered and scattered like the wind.
Thank You even then.

So I put aside the masquerade,
and admit that I am not okay.
Which may not be the thing to say
but I'm not ashamed to need You more each day.

Flawed

I've re-done my blog in an effort to make it a place that I can share my journey. Truly share it. I've come to an understanding in my life that I am not a very open person when it comes to the big stuff. Growing up I thought being a good Christian meant being perfect. Naturally that led me to leading a life that looked as perfect as I could make it look on the outside, but inside I was far from perfect. I had (and still have) all kinds of flaws and failings, but I had no idea how to reconcile those to the image that everyone had of me and I was scared to get help because sharing those flaws would mean that people wouldn't think I was a perfect Christian anymore. And that had become my identity. I was stuck.

But then I realized (through multiple teachings that God placed in my life) that being a good Christian is not about being perfect. It's about being humble and willing to be used in whatever way the Lord chooses. A big part of being humble is being open, honest and transparent - something that I have struggled at even attempting for so long. So that's what this blog is - my attempt at being open, honest and transparent. My attempt to show that i am not a perfect Christian, I'm not even a very good Christian. My attempt to show that God is the only one who can perfect me and make me more like His Son.

Can't wait to see what God is going to do!

Under Construction ...

My blog is going to be under construction for a little while so if it seems strange or different it's just because I'm experimenting. Hopefully it's going to look awesome when I'm done :)

The Gingerbread Cottages of Oak Bluffs, Martha's Vineyard ...

There is so much I could say about the Gingerbread Cottages, but I'll let the pictures speak for themselves. If you want to know more about them go to www.mvmca.org/history.htm and/or search "Gingerbread Cottages Oak Bluffs".

(This one is actually a playhouse version in the side yard of one of the cottages)

(Cottage Museum)

(This cottage was built higher off the ground because the original owners were afraid of Native Americans peeking in their windows)

(This will be interesting to any of you that are interested in children's literature: The house on the right is owned by Shel Silverstein, author of "The Giving Tree")

(This house is still considered a "Gingerbread Cottage" even though it's not in the original circle. The house is so large that they actually have "A Private Residence" printed on the stairs so that people don't think it's an inn.)

Grumpy Days ...

Daylight Savings Time means leaving work in the dark. Blah! I forgot how much I dislike this part of Winter. Anybody have any beat-the-grumpies ideas?